Against Instinct
by Mel.K
Summary: Going against instinct isn't human nature, but it could change your life. LIT
1. Default Chapter

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Against Instinct

Summary: Going against your instincts, is not human nature. But it could change your life forever.

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Dedicated to: Every single person who has, does and will post in the Lit threads across the world. You're what keeps the Lit love going.

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Disclaimer: I wish it was, but it isn't.

"Dance with me?" Rory looked up at Dave Rygalski. She wasn't really in the mood to dance, especially given the fact that she had gone stag to a prom, that wasn't even her own. However, not really the type to turn away a nice guy, Rory graciously took his hand, and allowed him to lead her into the crowd of Stars Hollow High prom-goers.

As the rhythm slowed and the song changed, Dave placed his hand gently on Rory's waist, she, placing her hand on his shoulder. Dave held out his free hand, in anticipation of Rory taking it, finishing off the we're-just-friends-slow dance position. Rory and Dave both looked miserable, as they shuffled in time to the music.

"Lane still outside?" Rory whispered, afraid that someone would yell at her to shut her mouth, as if they were in a library.

"Yeah. Young Chou's refusing to leave. He insists that he is in love with Lane and that she's much better off with someone who can speak her mother-tongue. I mean who says that? 'Dave doesn't speak Korean, so he's not right for you.'" Rory smiled slightly.

"Yeah, I mean, I don't even think Lane speaks Korean." This brought a smile to Dave's face that didn't quite reach his eyes. Dave had worked so hard to keep what relationship he had with Lane, it seemed a shame to Rory, that Dave now had D-O-U-B-T written across his forehead, in thick, black lettering.

"She likes you Dave. I know she does. And she can be a little indecisive sometimes, but she's worth it." Rory gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"I know she is." He replied, gazing over Rory's shoulder, to Lane, who was re-entering the auditorium. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all." Rory released Dave's hand and watched him as Lane appeared to be explaining the events of the last ten minutes. The muted conversation ended with a kiss, and Lane and Dave retreating to the dance floor, wrapped tightly in each others arms, obviously having resolved the Young Chou issue.

Rory sighed, and headed back to her table.

Having been sitting alone for only ten minutes, Rory pulled her phone out of her bag and checked the time. She'd promised Lane she'd stay until at least nine. Only half an hour to go. As she slid her phone back into her bag, she resisted the urge to pull out her worn copy of 'Anna Karenina'. She refused to become the epitome of all girls alone at their prom. Each second passed as minutes, and Rory knew that Lane would probably never notice, if she slipped out twenty minutes early, but something kept her sitting by her lonesome, in a hall filled with future memories.

Rory headed to the punch bowl. It served the purpose of both, soothing the burning sensation that had started to dwell at the base of her throat, and killed a few more minutes. She downed the first glass with ease, then re-filled and proceeded to take the glass back to her table.

A foot away from the table, a tuxedo-clad, male took the glass from Rory's hand and set it on the table Rory had been heading to. Then without giving her a chance to protest, he led her onto the dance floor and placed his hand at her waist, anxiously. So as not to cause a scene, Rory accepted the unspoken request to dance and stared into Jess's forlorn eyes.

"They told me you left." The words sounded alien to him. Like he had hurt and disappointed her beyond repair.

"I did." Was his only reply.

"So? What are you doing back? I mean, you told me you'd call, never actually intending to call. I hear nothing from you for a week, and now what? You're back? Just like that?" Rory demanded, careful to keep her voice no higher than a loud whisper.

"I don't know. I don't know why I came back." He informed her, instinctively going into defence mode. As her expression changed from one of confusion, to one of pain, he realised his mistake. "I mean, I know why I came back, but I don't know what made me come back. I can't explain it. It's like… It's like something told me that if I didn't come back, things would never be the same between us. I saw you a year down the track getting back with Dean, or a few years on marrying some rich, Yale guy. And I… I don't know. I just…" Jess trailed off, not really knowing how to form the words to his thoughts. Rory took a moment to really look at Jess before replying. She examined his facial features, his unruly hair, and then she _looked._ The emotion he wasn't expressing through words, were hidden in his eyes. It had to be searched for, and you had to know how to find it, but it was there in its rawest form.

For the first time, Rory felt 'let in'. Like the door that Jess had kept closed all this time, had slowly drifted open, and Rory took the chance to step through. Without even realising it, Jess had finally shown Rory what went on inside of him.

"I… I don't know that things ever _will _be the same."

"But at least we have the chance to find out." Jess pulled Rory close to him, and wrapped both arms around her waist. Against her instincts Rory nestled her head on his shoulder and continued to sway in time to the music.


	2. To Be Continued

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Against Instinct

Chapter 2 - To Be Continued

Summary: Going against your instincts, is not human nature. But it could change your life forever.

Dedicated to: This is for everyone who's asked for a chapter 2. This particular burst of inspiration is Selina's fault. And Brain! Thankyou for your input and for believing in me!

Disclaimer: Amy Sherman Palladino's unfortunately.

Rory stood outside Luke's diner for what seemed like hours, but for as long as she stood there, something seemed to keep her from making the few steps through the door. The three days since the Stars Hollow High prom hadn't been nearly enough to comprehend the events surrounding it. Every time she thought about the idea that Jess may not have come back, she doubted their relationship just a little bit more. It only took Jess a millisecond to decide to come back to town and at the same time change her future. What right did he have to do that? And what made him leave in the first place? Too many questions unanswered and too little confidence in their bond, in Jess to ask them.

"You goin' in Sweetie?" Babette asked hoarsely, with a wide smile. Rory jumped, shaken from her thoughts.

"Uh, not yet Babette. I'm just… Deciding whether I actually want coffee." She lied.

"Poppycock! I've known you since you moved to town and for about as long as that, it's never taken you more than a second to say 'yes' to coffee." Babette cocked her head to the side slightly, with a look of sympathy plastered on her face. "He's not in there Doll, I just passed him on Plum Street."

"Who?" Rory feigned ignorance. However, Babette knew better. She patted Rory's shoulder and stepped around her to enter the diner.

Rory sighed. He was the reason she had been putting off going in. But because she thought he'd be in there. Now she'd decided not to go in because he wasn't. She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and shivered. There was only one way to find out exactly where she stood and only one person she could find out from. With that thought in mind she turned on her heel and headed towards Plum Street.

From a distance Jess's bent form looked fragile, broken almost. But Rory knew better than that. Jess was tough like week old pizza, perhaps not the most enjoyable and probably best off discarded, but the idea that maybe it'll be better than it seems keeps anyone from throwing it away.

As she approached him on the bridge, Jess didn't look up. He pretty much knew what was coming and he hadn't the faintest idea as to how he was going to deal with it. How does one give reason to leaving without a word, with no intention of coming back? If Rory was any kind of reasonable person she'd get rid of him faster than he could care to think about. He caught the waft of her perfume as she sat down next to him. It was a smell he'd always associated with Rory. Kind of vanilla-y, with an almost sour hint to it.

"Hey." Rory spoke, her voice small and new sounding.

"Hey." Jess turned to look at her.

"What are you reading'?" Rory didn't want to approach the subject straight away. As stupid as it sounded, she wanted things to be normal for a few minutes. She wanted to pretend for a while that Jess had never left, but had still gone to the prom with her. And that as far as the universe was concerned, all was well and happy and they all lived happily ever after. But Rory wasn't an idiot. She wasn't blinded by the inability to see what was really going on. She just wanted life to be simple for a minute.

"Rory I'm sorry. I can't tell you why I left, 'cause sometimes I don't even think I know. I wish I was the kind of guy you need me to be, but I'm just not." He sighed; he didn't want to say what came next.

"I don't want you to be any kind of guy. I want you to be you. I want you to talk to me, because I'll listen to you, I'll understand and because I'm not a mind reader. I want you to trust me the way you trust yourself." The pitch in her voice rose as she tried to persuade Jess out of the inevitable.

"I do not trust myself Rory. And you shouldn't either. I think…" He took a deep breath and looked away. "I think you need to not be tied up with me for a while. I'm not good for you. I think we both need to sort ourselves out. You need to think about whether or not you actually want to be with me."

"Look at me." Rory demanded. "Look at me and tell me you don't want to be with me."

"I never… I…" He looked away from his worn Vans to Rory's tear-streaked face. "Don't cry."

"Tell me to my face. Don't look away like some sort of coward." Almost screaming at Jess now, Rory wiped her eyes with her fingers.

He took her left hand in his right, feeling the wet of her tears on her smooth skin that hadn't yet dried.  
"I can't." He stared intently into her eyes. "You know I can't."  
More tears sprang from her eyes and he could see himself mirrored in the two blue pools that showed him so much pain, it almost killed him. At that moment he wished for nothing more than just drown in them. No more pain. He imagined tumbling down fast like a heavy stone, pressing out any air left in his lungs and being unable to breathe in again. But somehow he rose to the surface. Jess took a shaky breath.  
He slowly put his left hand on her cheek, feeling more wetness. "Please don't cry. Don't shed anymore tears for me." Jess sank a little further into himself. He didn't want to hurt her. That's why he'd gone away in the first place, but by coming back, he'd succeeded to hurt her even so.

Her hand slipped from his as she got to her feet. Before rising to walk away, Jess felt Rory's hands on his face. Gently, almost as if she was scared he would pull away, she pressed her warm lips to his. She wanted to savour every second of their last kiss. She wanted to imprint the memory of it in her mind so she would never forget. She wanted to give one last attempt to change Jess's mind. Pulling away, Rory's tear glazed eyes glistened in the afternoon sun.

"I just wanted to remember." She rose to her full height and began the long walk out of Jess's life. He watched as she walked gracefully. He had to make himself right before he could make anything else right, but he had a feeling his relationship with Rory was far from over and he'd do anything it took to get back what they had.

Rory closed the door to her room and locked it behind her. Leaning against it, she slid to the floor and allowed the tears to flow freely. She'd been fighting them for the entire journey home and she couldn't hold them in any longer.

She truly loved Jess. She'd never said it and never really implied it, but it was true. Anything she'd ever felt for Dean was nothing compared to everything she currently felt for Jess. She had no idea what had come over him, and she knew it would be a long time before she found out, but something inside her didn't feel like this was the end for them. Something inside of her definitely said _to be continued_


End file.
